Self sufficiancy eludes people...
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Fusion Radio streaming online

Why can't people be more self sufficient?  It is really that hard of a concept?  What got me thinking about it was things I found out about via e-mails.  So then yesterday I'm at work & I get a ton of people interrupting my work asking "Where is this, where is that?"  I'm not your personal shopper just look and you will find what you need.   Asking me where the coffee makers are is a asinine question because any normal person would think... small home appliance then think oh that would be in housewares.  So needless to say I didn't get hardly any of my paperwork done while I was at work.  My e-mails all went unanswered.  At least I got my APLs done so I can get the merchandise ordered that we need to get shipped in for the 4 day sale that starts Friday.  That was the 1 thing that absolutely needed to get done.  So all that happening at work get me to thinking again how people are so dependant on other people.  An extra 5 minutes in the store looking for what you need wouldn't kill you.

So I now come to my current conclusion.  I think people are wrong if they consistently take hand outs from people or let other people always pay for things.  Never let your friend(s) always pay for things or always spend a lot on you because that's just flat out wrong.  They don't work to support you.  They most probably work to support themselves and maybe pay for college.  Always offer to pay but more over you stop it.  "Thank you for all that you do for me it's appreciated but I'm sure your money has more important uses."  I wonder are people really that afraid of change they won't stop the cycle because that's then change?  I understand you get comfortable but you can't get comfortable with something that is wrong, it's just not right.

I could go on forever about this but to sum this up... people need to stop leaching of their friends, people need to be more self sufficient and spend a few extra minutes looking and they would find what they need at a store, and people need to get a job and get off welfare.  Welfare has now become just some ridiculous thing we need to do away with.  Okay that's my rant.  I'll find some statistics and numbers later and make another post regarding this topic.

Cleome Pribla
Cleome Pribla was a living member of my family for 14 dedicated years. I will always love you even as you look down at me from heaven watching over me. You will be fondly loved and remembered always.

Thoughts to clear my head...
Now Playing: Flip and Fill -Shooting Star (Radio Edit)
I often sit here & wonder what caused & aided the destruction of my Grandmother's health. I see many different possibilities but not one seems to stick out at me. It could be due to the fact that she at times had a tumultuous relationship with her family when she was younger & her husband & children. Was it those thoughts of those times that aided to her health destruction? I think that played a part in it. But there were many other things that played a part as well. She was 78 & that I am sure played a big role in it too. I want to say she was a perfect woman & if I were someone else in my immediate & extended family I couldn't really say that because they see things differently then I do. But I knew a different woman then they did it seemed yet she was the same woman. What I saw from her was love, affection, dedication to her husband of 58 years, dedication to her family & grandkids. She had a large number of friends at the park they lived in which was in Florida.

To me she was never judgmental & always seemed to want to look out for my best interests. She to me was the most amazing woman. She had her quirks like her fondness for guilt trips but then again who doesn't. Oh before I forget thanks Grandma for teaching me the art of subtle guilt trips you never know when they may come in handy. Some called her feisty others called her a mean & nasty woman & to the others I show a sense of contempt in regards to that matter. Again I know her for something different. I am not about to see her for what she never showed me but may have shown other people. I will do what I always did which was to love her & show her my respect for her. I would never see it any other way because she means so much to me.

There were lots of people who were very excited to see her come into this world & on the other hand there were a profusion of people to honor her memory, her being in this world & to pray for a safe transition into heaven. It was at exactly 5:05 am on Sunday, January 9, 2005 that she took her last breaths. She was awake & it was just before then my Grandpa was about to go to the men's room & my Aunt Cindy who is a nurse could see something was not right & she told her dad not to leave because the time was very, very near. He went to hold her hand & she took a few labored breaths & then St. Peter came down to take her to heaven. To this day it still haunts me. I can't think straight & I can't figure out why this had to happen to such a wonderful woman but then I go back to what I wrote in the first paragraph. The week before she passed away she was going in & out of lucidity & at times consciousness. That is no quality of life. Lorraine Rita Pribla deserved much more then the remainder of her life filled with going in & out of lucidity, at times consciousness & to be in a wheelchair unable to walk. When I had gone down to visit her in the nursing home I asked the nurses when they thought St. Peter would come to take her to heaven & they all seemed to say the same thing that `we are not sure your grandma is very strong woman & a fighter.' That was a perfect description of her. She was just that strong willed, strong & she fought for what she believed in. If she did not like something she would let you know right away & usually expect corrections to that.

She lived a rather good life. Her father owned a meat packing plant close to downtown Chicago & her mother was a stay at home mother. They got by through the Great Depression as lots of people did they just came out a little better in the end. She then went to Stratton College & graduated with a business or office degree. I looked up to that fact that when most women married, chose to start families & become homemakers she went out & gained an education & made something of herself then got married. She has helped instill the value of education in me because of that decision she made a long time ago.

My feelings are varied. I feel pangs of guilt at times, sadness, happiness that she is in a better place than the nursing home. I think of us swimming together in Florida at the park they lived in & it brings in this flood of emotions & the tears start coming. Or I stop & think of how she used to call me "Dolly" or when I would spend the night in Woodstock & Florida she would come & tuck me into bed & say to me "Sand in your right eye sand in your left eye go to dreamland." My emotions come so readily now whether I want then to come or not. I think of her & I cry, I think of the good times & I cry, I think of the things she used to say to me & I cry, I look at pictures of her & I cry, I look at things at her house in Florida & I get to thinking & I cry. This is so hard for me & I often sit here & wonder "Why" such as in "Why me" or "Why her". When I say why me I am thinking why did this have to happen to me? I feel guilty because a month ago I was going to church after work & praying for her health & for her to overcome all this sickness she had & to just get better. But when I knew that was not something that would easily happen I started to pray & ask that she could just go from this earthly place to be with God & St. Peter & that they would be gentle when they took her up to heaven. I also felt guilty because I feel now that I didn't keep in touch as much as I should whether via e-mails, the telephone or letters through the mail.

She means the world to me & I will never forget how she shaped & changed my life. It is party because of her that I am the way I am today & I thank her so much for that. I will never ever forget what she has done for me. Grandma I can't express how much I love you & how much you mean to me you will always be with me & in my thoughts & prayers. I wish I could share this letter with you but I know your reading this from heaven.

Death and mobidity...
Now Playing: ROC Project Feat. Tina Arena - Never
So I was sitting up in my room cleaning my room. Well anyhow I got to thinking and that opened up this flood of emotions. I absolutely HATE the idea of my Grandma in this nursing home lying half lifeless dying without a feeding tube just eating bits and pieces of food. Why does it have to be this way? Death used to be my biggest fear, well one of my 3. But I can't say I fear death as much as I used too. Yes it is still evil and all but I get to thinking about my and how I will never see her again except for when I die and then I think hmmmm die and I can see her that much sooner. No I can ' t say I would ever kill myself that ' s a bit much but if I do happen to die say in a car accident , food poisoning from visiting ppl at EIU and eating the EIU food or from some freak accident I can ' t say would be the worst thing that could happen .

Don ' t get me wrong I want to live as long as I possibly can but should I happen to go sooner then I expected it ' s not the end of everything . Holy cow is this ever morbid. Am I scaring anyone yet? Bc I know I am almost doing that to myself.

I love my Grandma Lorraine more then I can think of how to feel and express she means the world to me and I can just hear her now calling me saying " Dolly I love you " I was always her " Dolly " and she was always one of the ones who meant the most to me . I want her back like she used to be ... not sick.

Well on a good note I get my purse back tomorrow that I left at Nate's. I never realized how much of a pain in the butt it is not having a purse and all that goes along with it. But Nate is coming over tomorrow and we are going out to dinner and then renting a movie. All I have to say is he better not forget my purse or there will be hell to pay. LoL J/K

Anyhow it's time to go watch some TV and take my mind off things then go to bed. In the words of my Grandma Lor ... "Sand in your right eye sand in your left eye goes to dreamland."

- Liana the forever short one

A life to remeber and celebrate...
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: TV
So this is going to be a post filled with morbidity. Right now I don't have anyone to talk to when all I want to do is talk to someone. I don't expect ppl to drop things for me just stop & chat thats all. Sorry about that but I have to clear my head of my thoughts. So my Grandma Lorraine is very very sick. Well Wednesday my family flew down & saw her. I had mentally prepared myself for what I was about to see & the fact that she was so sick but I don't think I did an adequate job of it or it is just to hard for me to deal with.

I walked into the nursing home to see her all skin & bones laying there with her mouth just open & kind of in this vegetative state. She could hear everything & see everything but she was just kind of there & unresponsive. At times she could talk & at times she couldn't seem to talk. I stayed in her room for 20 minutes & I just couldn't take it anymore seeing a women who was so resilient only a few months ago now on her death bed. I just went outside & cried for about 20 minutes straight. So I went to dinner that night with my family & my Grandpa while my Aunt's stayed back & stayed with my Grandma. After dinner we came back & I just sat next to my Grandma on an chair & held her hand for a half hour & talked to her & told her I loved her more then I could think how to say in words. She told me she was sorry she was like this & that she loved me too. It was then she sort of floated off for about 5 minutes & she took a huge gasp of air & her breathing got labored. Well thank god it was not death then as I thought it might have been just a wave of pain. She is on 3 types of pain medications just to make this transition from life to heaven more comfortable. I had to go back with my family to the hotel room & she wouldn't let go of my hand & my Aunt said just pull it away it will be okay. Well I did that & she called for me saying "Liana please don't leave me". It was so hard to go to the hotel room that night. The next day we went over there in the morning. Well saying goodbye to go to the airport was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Because I knew that would be my last goodbye & I would never see her alive again. So the nurses & doctors think it will be sometime this week or next week she passes. I am just glad I got to give her and kiss & let her know how much she ment to me (via a letter I wrote to her and my Aunt Cathy read to her).

I really envy Nate & his ability to shut off his emotions. If only I could do that right now.
Grandma Lour you mean the world to me & I will always love you & I will see you when I get up to heaven.

I am sorry this is such a depressing post but I needed to talk and so my blog was the place as I stated b4.
Until next post I am off to bed.
-Liana

Bush can resign anytime now...
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Watching Jay Leno
So I am furious right now. Why in the world is the American public so brain washed? I will give my father one thing... Bush portrayed a sence of security and that he could kick ass if need be. But I don't see why John Kerry couldn't step up to the plate and do so if need be. If it were at all realistic I would pack my bags and move to Canada. All I have to thank for this election outcome and results are the dissilusioned American public. Just don't compaine when 2 months from now Bush screws up once again. After all you voted for him. But atleast most ppl in Illinois were smart and voted Democratic as our state showed in the polls.

So onto other news. Guess my plans to go camping the 2nd weekend in November fell through. No one could go w Nate and I. Well I took the weekend off work so now I can't get those hours back. Figures!! I hate my job. Thanks Bush for making someone w a bachelors degree and soon to be other degree have to work in a shitty job. So anyhow I guess Nate now wants to go to EIU to visit his friends solo. Not like I wanted to go to EIU I just thought we difinately had decided to do something that weekend and he didn't think it was concrete. Oh well I talked to J-dog about it and we are gonna have a girls weekend out and get all gussied up and go to the bars and prolly hit the Casino so I can play some blackjack and win some big $$. So it should be a really fun weekend. I sure as heck know bc plans feel through that I am not sitting on my butt. I hope Snate has as fun.

Well anyhow I am gonna get going and do some summer vacation research on Disney so I can get back to Nate on my findings.

Untill I return from Canada which should be in four yrs. I shall talk to you later.
-Shorty

Abruptness gets you nowhere in life... Or does it? Nah.
Now Playing: Olive Your not alone (white lable remix)
Why is it that some ppl are so abrupt in saying they have to go on AIM?? It really ticks me off sometimes. Not many ppl are so abrupt but heck it happens. I don't expect a 5 minute goodbye. But what the hell is with the... "Anyhow... I got to go...ttyl" then putting up the away message. Gesssh maybe it's just me but I am like "Well I think I am gonna get going... I want to (insert what I have to do)... so have a nice day... I'll ttys" But whatever I guess thats just the way some ppl are, just short like that aaaaauuuuuhhhhhhh oh well LoL

So my birthday came and went and the heck if I feel any younger I know I sure do feel older. And to think 4 yrs till the BIG 3-0. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I went out w my parents and 2 of their freinds since Rhea and Sam couldn't join us since he was doing his b-day thing w his fam since his is the 31st. We went to an Italian place and that food was so awsome too.
Then Saturday night Janet, Nate, my old suitemate Derrice, her bf Kenji and her friend Kelly and Karen and her bf Tommy and his 2 friends Sandra and Terry all came out so that was a nice time. Nate gave me about $40-$50 on a power card to play games with so I thought that was really nice of him. That sure kept me busy for the night.

Well I am gonna get going. Me and Janet are going to hand out candy at her house and I still need to change and get my costume on. I am going to be a lobster.
ttys
-Liana

Useless power trips!!!!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Duran Durna - Reach up for the sunrise
I don't have time for my normal super long posts so this shall be rather quick unless my rant goes on and one. Plus I am just to aggravated to sit and type. So I had to go and return part of Nate's Christmas present since I found out by peeking in his closet he already owns cargo khakis. So I got him something else I to replace that so I know he will like what I got him. Well as I am coming back from Huntley I am looking up at the light and I see that is still red but then I glance over at the turn lane to see if this truck was gonna come too close and clip my back end. He was fine but barely well I see that as I look up there light goes green. So what do I do when I see the other car in the straight lane creep forward I didn't even think to look up and see shit I can't go bc cars are turning from the other direction and I still have the Red and just the green arrows are lite up. Well sure as shit this cop who was on some f'ing stupid assed power trip pulled me over. She seemed all understanding when I told her I just blanked and was totally sorry. Well it took her forever to come back and I saw her writing shit. So just my luck she come back w a $75 failure to obey a traffic signal ticket and a court date. I didn't have to sign anything nor did she take my license as bond. Well I apologized and she was like... "You can say that as much as you want but you are still getting your ticket hun" What a bitch to be so snippy. What the heck crawled up her ass and died jeesh. So I went and told me dad right away expecting him to bite my head off and he understood and said he would get me court supervision. God love him for that. Well Nate has told me several times b4 how cops spend to much time on pointless things and have these power trips. Okay do not disagree w her pulling me over just to see what was up what I do disagree with was her waisting her time and writing me a useless ticket. Stupid power trip I SWEAR!!!!

Well on a lighter note today Rhea and Sophia came and took me out for lunch today as part of saying happy birthday. So I thought that was nice. We just went to Pirros and had Italian food. Nummm. FAT!! :)

Well I am gonna get going now I am done w my rant.
Lata-
Liana

Kinda ticked off right now...
Mood:  vegas lucky
Now Playing: Oris Jay - Trippin (Agent Sumo Mix)
So this weekend was good. I was supposed to go to some haunted trail at Harris Forest Preserve in Yorkville with Nate. Well we went to dinner and had this dinner for 2 special which was really like dinner for 20 but that was good we had take home which was nice after we came home from the bar. Anyhow he didn't double check and figured since the haunted trail ran at Harris the past 3 or 4 yrs it would be be there again this year. Well guess it was not running this year. Oh well so we just went to his house and watched part of some SouthPark marathon. Then we went out to the Big Easy. After that we went back to his place watched some tv, had the chinese then went to bed. I just slept on the couch. His mom was so nice in the morning the covers must have fallen off me so she tucked um around me the next morining I was half awake for that one. But what stunk was I had to get up at 8am to get to work by 10am. Eww nasty work!! Can u tell I don't really care for my job all that much. LoL

Yeah so I am kinda ticked right now. I wanted my birthday weekend to be super fun and have tons of ppl come out to Dave and Buster's. But it turns out that either tons of ppl have plans or who knows what. So I guess it is just gonna be Nate, Janet, Derrice (my old suitemate from EIU) and her man Kenji along w her cousin and friend Kelly. Monica and Jeff were talking about trying to make it out after she finished wedding dress shopping. I think shopping now is really way to soon when the wedding is at that middle of next summer. Oh well maybe that's just me. All the end of season sales are over by now anyhow. But it still should be a good time this weekend. I know that I want to go out afterwords. I dunno who else will be up for that though. I hope they all will be.

Well I got to get some sleep. I need to get up early so I can do some errands b4 Rhea and Sophia come and take me out to lunch tomorrow.
night night
-Short POWER!!

This economy sucks... thanks Bush...
Now Playing: Duran Duran Reach Up For The Sunrise (DJ Funky Dance Mix)
So I got to talking with Nate tonight after he got off work. He is pretty bumbed about Mynards cutting hours when January comes around. Well I hear from someone whom I work with that is what happens at our work too during that time of the year. I didn't really know how to cheer him up. But hey I tried. I could use some cheering up too my job is drab and blah and the pay well lets not even go there.

I got to talking with Chef Bill Paul my professor for Garde Mange last night and he was asking me and Rebecca who were Sous Chefs of the week (just 2 ppl who help Chef w class for the week) about pay now for our industry for entry level. He asked what we would ask for and I thought... A. In this economy you can't ask for a salary/wage you just take what they offer and thank God you have a job despite how Buch slaughtered our Economy and B. I am worth more then someone would be willing to pay me in this current slow economy cause by Bush. Well I told Chef I thought I was worth atleast $30K-$35K a year and he laughed at that and said that's like $16 and hour you better be better then the manager to make that. Hence why I want OUT of the kitchen and into managemant of the front of the house. I then procedded to tell him I why I was worth that stating I have a bachelors in Hospitality Management from Eastern Illinois University. I was not getting cocky just stating a point. He understood my thinking but said it would never happen for back of the house. Again why I was front of the house.

Anyhow remember this...
Always look ahead and never look behind because better things are ahead and instore for you.

OR...

The Glass is half full not half empty. (That is unless Bush gets elected again.)

OR...
My new favorite... I not short I am half tall.

Well I am off to bed so I can be mentally ready for a boring day at work and a minterm exam with Chef Paul on the principles of Garde Mange.
Night night,
-Shorty